Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
