my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
