Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
