So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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