i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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