the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
