Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
