I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
