Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
In America we eat man semen.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
