I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
