2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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