Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
