Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
