So drunk its hurt
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
