Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
