Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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