the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
