i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
