Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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