Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
