the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am mentally ready for anal.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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