I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
God, I missed his penis.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
