First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
