I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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