If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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