i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is Oprah even human
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
