just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
