I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
