he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
