Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
