Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
