my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
