i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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