: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
