youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She needs sedatives and a leash
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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