Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
