you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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