thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
