I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
