no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
