Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
