I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
