when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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