He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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