She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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