you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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