Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
