HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
