he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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