He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
