new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
