Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
