My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
